EVERYone struggles…

Being human means that struggling is part of life. We all experience emotional suffering at times, but how do we continue to grow and thrive through the pain of life when it seems that it differs so greatly among us? This truth about our commonality should foster a sense of connection and acceptance with others. However, when there is a tendency to loath, hold grudges, or covet what others have, these thoughts (if not checked) can lead to disconnection from others and ‘experiential avoidance‘. When we do this, we miss out on opportunity to experience love, compassion, and acceptance of ourselves, and others. So, how do we live and love like Jesus? If we know God loves us and He works all things together for our good, how can we make sure that we stay out of this trap that brings emotional, and social disconnection?
Why do we believe that every thought we have is truth? How would life and relationships be different if we questioned the validity of our thoughts the same way we know we can’t trust every feeling we have? When we have conflict or difference of opinion with someone, or about a situation our ‘auto-pilot’ thinking takes on a role as either victim, persecutor, or rescuer and often moves from one position to another during an ongoing conflict. This concept/model is referred to as Karpman’s Drama Triangle based on fear and survival strategies for power and control. Classic strategies are; blame, resentment, justification, and the need to be ‘right’.
What could be the value of recognizing the role we’re playing and taking accountability for our part (no matter how small) to stay out of this cycle and live in a place of neutrality, recognizing we’re all struggling and in need of grace? Not an easy task when little time is spent on introspection. Imagine the peaceful world we could live in if we all assumed responsibility. So how do we stay off the drama triangle? Start by recognizing your own triggers! AND recognizing that people’s behaviors are expressions of their own (unmet) needs, dreams, sufferings…and consider that it has little or nothing to do with you personally. If we can drop the expectation of how we think their behavior is supposed to be and become more compassionate, we will be less likely to get hooked in patterns of thought and action that don’t serve us or our relationships.